Category: Writers Block
I lay on my bed, thinking of him, his sensitive, gentle hands, his deep, flowing voice, his hard member. I was hot,
on fire, crazy for him. An exciting flash of heat rushed up my thighs as I lay thinking of him.
"Oh, baby, you make me tingle!" I said aloud. It was a happy, breathless whisper.
I wished with all of my heart that he were here with me right now. I knew he was only a phone-call away, or rather,
a few apartments down, if I really had a burning and unmitigated desire to see him in the flesh, which I did, (of
course I did--I had already said that I wished he were here), and I seriously considered calling on him.
Recklessly, I thought, why not? Why not call him over and have some fun? However, it was 1 in the morning; the
voice of reason was drilling insistently into my thoughts, distracting me.
Of course, he'd be asleep right now, you twit, I thought to myself.
The irrational part of my mind, the part that was crazy over him, the part that was extremely horny right now won
out, hands down. Oh, to hell with it, I thought, and picking up the phone on my nightstand, I quickly, recklessly
punched in his number before I could change my mind.
"Mmm, oosat?" he answered sleepily.
"Hey, handsome. I'm sorry to be calling so late, I just--was
"It's all right, sweetie. Don't worry about it. I love it when you call me."
"And I love calling you."
Jesse chuckled softly.
There was a bit of a lull in the conversation, and then he asked, "So, why are you calling this late, sugar?"
"Oh, I just like talking to you, that's all." a smile stole across my face, and I decided to tell him everything. "Oh, all
right. Actually, that's not the only reason I called. I was wondering. Would you like to come over and hang out
with me? I know it's late, but--was
"Sure. Of course I do. I'll be over in about a minute, baby."
I grinned. "Yeah, hahaha. All you have to do is walk down the hall."
He laughed softly. "All right. Well, I'll see you."
"Hmmm, good."
"I love you, Jesse."
"I love you too, beautiful."
* * *
The light knock sounded at my door, and pulling on my sky-blue, terrycloth robe, I went to answer it.
"Hey, hot stuff! Come in." I smiled, moving away from the door so he could step into the apartment. He was so
handsome, standing there in the matching robe that I'd gotten him for Christmas.
"Who's my pretty woman? Huh, baby?" Jesse said, wrapping me in a hug, pulling me gently against him. "Who's
my sweet, pretty woman?"
"Me." I whispered. I could smell the faint odor of his aftershave as he kissed me, and the light dashing sent of his
cologne assailed my nostrils as we stopped, and I berried my face in the hollow just under his shoulder.
"That's right, woman." he murmured. "And don't you forget it, either." he growled playfully at me.
"Are you hungry?" I asked the question in a low, seductive murmur, my lips pressed gently against his broad
shoulder.
"Well, it depends," he said. I could feel the slight pressure of his long, hard member against my belly. "What kind
of hungry are you referring to, lady?" he asked, pressing his member even more firmly against me then it had
been before. "cause if you mean hungry for you, then I would have to say yes."
I giggled. "Yes, I do mean hungry for me""
Jesse bent his knees, bringing his member lower, nearer to my hot, throbbing sex.
"Oooooooh!" I gasped, my senses reeling. "Jesse ... lower, baby ... more ... please, Jesse ... uuuuuh!"
"Oooooh, sugar!" Jesse's lips pressed strongly against mine as he straightened.
"Please don't leave." I suddenly clutched him fiercely to me, wanting him to continue with what he had been doing
before.
"Baby, what makes you think I'm going to leave you? I love you. I woke up in the middle of the night to my phone
wringing, and, having a good idea that it was you, I picked up right away. You asked me to come over, and so I
did. I missed you, baby. I love seeing you, and I'm not going to leave you."
"No ... I mean, I want ... more." I blushed.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I didn't understand."
"It's all right. I guess I'm sort of calmer because of what you said. Maybe I wanted to know that, you know,
subconsciously or something. I don't know. But that doesn't matter. You're here with me, and that's all that
counts. What I meant was ... you gave me ... it was such a good feeling, Jesse. Your dick ... on my stomach,
my clit." I blushed again.
"Baby, I have something to ask you. Let's sit down." Jesse pulled me gently down on to my couch, settling
himself beside me as he did so.
"Yeah, Jesse?" I queried, curious as to what he could be getting at.
"Ari, look at me. It's really important that you do. Please, Ari, look at me."
I faced him, puzzled as to what he could be so anxious about. "What is it, Jesse? What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong, hun. I have a very, very important question to ask you. I want you to know something though,
before you answer me."
"What?"
"Tell me no if you want to. Any time, if you're uncomfortable, don't just go along with what I may want. Tell me no,
or that you're uncomfortable, or what ever you feel. If you don't want to, then don't. I don't want you to do
something that you'll regret just to spare my feelings."
"Do what?" I thought I had an idea of what he was talking about. "I mean ... what do you want to do?" I was a little
tongue-tied.
Jesse cupped my face in his hands, and took a deep, steadying breath. "I want to make love to you, sweetie."
My mouth fell open and I let out a small cry of wonder. "Oh, Jesse! Oh, God, Jesse! You ... you want ... to ... to
make love ... to me?"
"Yes, baby. I do. I love you. May I?"
"Oh, Jesse, I'm so happy. I ... can we ... can we ... go to my bed?"
"Happy and nervous at the same time, baby." Jesse smiled warmly down at me. Then, suddenly, his tone and
expression grew serious. "Ari, I promise, I won't do anything you don't want me to, and I won't hurt you."
"Jesse?" I said meekly.
"Yes, lady love?"
I looked rather tremulous as I asked, my voice barely more than a whisper. "Isn't it ... isn't it going to hurt the first
time?"
"Yes, some, I've heard. Though if I get you ready, it won't be as bad as it would be if you weren't fully aroused.
But the kind of hurt I was referring to was forcing you to do something that you don't want to do. I will not, and I
mean will not, make you do something you don't want to."
"Thank you, Jesse. It means a lot to me."
Jesse gave me a comforting squeeze. "I know it does, hun. And I meant every word I said."
"I'm glad you have experience on your side when it comes to sex, Jesse."
He smiled. "Really?"
"Yes. I mean, it wouldn't make a difference to me if you were a virgin, I would still love you the same. But I'm kind
of glad you aren't, in a way. When was the first time you had sex?"
"The first time, I was in love. I was fifteen then, and she was stunning. She looked a lot like you, actually. A few
months after we made love, she died in a car crash; I was the one driving at the time. I cradled her in my arms
during her last moments, and that was where she died, her head lying across my left shoulder as she whispered
her last words in my ear."
"Oh, baby ..." I felt tears welling up in my eyes at the story he was imparting to me.
Jesse hugged me comfortingly. It isn't me he should be comforting, I thought. If anything, he's the one who needs to be comforted.
"She told me she loved me, and that she'd see me on the other side. She then went on to say that I would love again. She told me that I shouldn't look, that I should just wait, and no matter how discouraged I became, no matter how long it took, I would find that special someone again. She commanded me to not compare that next person I fell in love with with her, that it would only ruin it for me. I remember, she was absolutely vehement about that."
"What was her name?" I asked curiously.
Jesse made a small noise, as if a word had gotten caught in his throat.
"Oh, God, I'm sorry, Jesse. I shouldn't be asking you all these questions. I don't know what I ..."
Jesse rested his hands lightly on my shoulders. "Ari, it's all right. Please, don't worry about it. Actually, I have to thank you. I needed to talk about it."
"Are you sure?"
"Honey, I wouldn't have started telling you the story if I wasn't sure that I needed to talk about it. You have nothing to worry about."
There was a lapse in the conversation, then suddenly he went on unexpectedly, as I listened with rapt attention.
"Her name was Chryst." he said softly, wrapped in the dark shroud of distant memory. Her name was barely a whisper on his lips, and I had to lean forward to catch it in time, before it faded away into the heavy silence between us, never to be heard again.
"Oh, Jesse." I breathed. "Her name is so beautiful."
"Thank you for saying `is,` Ari. It means the world to me. I've found her again in you. You two are so similar; it's amazing."
"Jesse," I said hesitantly, "You do understand that she's no longer with us, don't you?"
"Yes, Ari. I understand it. And I know what you must be thinking. I need to get over her."
"Well, I didn't necessarily mean get over her, exactly, but ... have you ... you know ... moved on?"
"Yes, I have. I don't feel guilty about it like I used to. It's all right now, baby. I'm okay."
"Are you sure?" I asked, little rivulets of tears beginning to spatter my cheeks with their warmth.
"Yes, Ari, I'm sure. Please, baby, don't cry."
"But it's so sad."
"I know, sugar, it's sad. I understand how you were affected by it, but there was nothing either of us could have done to save her."
"But she's gone!" I suddenly wailed, my face pressed hard into his shoulder, positive cascades of tears running down my cheeks and into my nose now, not just the little streams they had been before. I was sobbing like a little child who knows it would never see it's mother again. "Oh, Jeeeseee. Poor, poor Chryst. What a brave, wonderful woman she was ... is."
Jesse drew me on to his lap, holding me tight to him as I cried. "She's no longer with us, baby, and I'm all right with that. I'm not raking myself over the coals anymore, torturing myself by trying to blame the whole thing on me. It was raining, and the guy that hit us was drunk as a lord. Chryst died knowing that I would someday love again, and she was right. She guided you into my life from where she is, up there, leading the singing of those beautiful love songs for us, with the sun and moon and stars as her backup."
"Oh, Jesse, that was so beautiful!" I cried. "What you said ... it was amazing!"
"And so are you, Ari." Jesse's lips found my neck, pressed softly, tenderly against it. He held me tight, gently wiping the tears from my face with the sleeve of his robe.
Moving me from his lap, Jesse sat me back on the couch again, then stood up to face me, resting his hands on my shoulders. "Baby, can we make love?"
"Now? Do you have--:
"Shhh, sweetie," Jesse soothed, and I lay back at what he next said. "Yes, of course I do. I brought some with me, just in case things got this far with us tonight. I had a feeling they would."
Tenderly, Jesse started from my forehead, kissing me gently, his lips tracing lightly, delicately, barely touching the contours of my brow line. "Oh, sugar! You're so beautiful, you know that?" Jesse whispered.
I sighed. "Keep kissing me like that, baby." I wrapped my arms tighter around him. "Oh, Jesse, it feels so good. Please, don't stop."
"Of course not, lady love. I could do this all night long. Love you, hold you, fall asleep with you, just like this."
His lips moved down my face, kissing my eyes, my nose, my cheeks. Finally, he pressed his lips against mine, climbing gently on top of me as he did so. He was rock hard.
"Oh, woman!" he moaned softly. "Sweet, sweet sugar!"
"Mmmmm, Jesse, I love you!"
"I love you, too. Am I too heavy for you? Do you want me to lift up a little?"
"No, not at all. You're comfortable ... I mean, it's--was
Jesse chuckled. "I understand."
"Jesse?" I was hesitant about asking him, but I was so curious.
"Yeah, Ari? What do you want to know? Don't be afraid to ask me, baby."
"What about the second time? What happened then? Was there even a second time?"
"Yes, there was. Does it really matter?"
"Oh. I was just curious. I'm sorry, Jesse. Forget about it. We're together, and that's all that counts, right?"
Jesse sat up abruptly, putting an arm behind my back and propping me up. "We're not going to make love like this."
I felt that horrible burning sensation starting in my eyes, the sensation that precedes the beginnings of crying. I felt terrible. The hard note of finality in his voice made me catch my breath.
"Jesse, please, please tell me. What did I do wrong?"
"Nothing, nothing. Absolutely nothing, beautiful. I'm so sorry, Ari. I shouldn't have said it like that. I didn't realize how rude it sounded until it was out of my mouth. I'm sorry. You're curious, and I don't mind that at all, sweetie,
but it's kind of destroyed the mood between us. And I also want you to know that us having sex isn't the only thing I care about, Ari. I want to explain some things to you before we go any further."
"Oh, geez, Jesse! I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry."
"Don't be, sugar. I realize I was a bit brusk with you, and I shouldn't have been. It's just that I don't want your first time to be horrible. And please, don't cry. I'm not upset with you at all."
"Why would my first time be horrible?" I asked.
"Well, if we're not in the mood, exactly, it's ... I just want it to be great for you. Everything we've been talking about, it's so somber. Sex ... it's supposed to be exciting, and fun, and loving, and thing's are too serious right now for us to have sex. I want it to be as great as possible for you, Ari. I'm not very happy with what I did sexually after Chryst died. And that's certainly not a great topic to talk about just before we make love. I'd rather be telling you how wonderful you are, and have you telling me what you'd like us to do."
"So, it's off for tonight?" Jesse noted that I sounded wistful, though a little relieved all the same.
She's probably pretty fucking nervous about it, he thought to himself. And she has reason to be. It hurts, the first time, and sometimes even afterward. I remember it with Chryst. God, she cried so much. And she was so ready. She never really did have a high pain tolerance, not until her last moments, anyway. No, it's not a good idea for us to make love if these memories are swamping me right now. It wouldn't be right. What am I doing, thinking about how Chryst and I made love? Oh, my God, now I feel horrible!
I touched him lightly on the arm. "Jesse? Baby? Are you all right?"
Jesse was brought sharply out of his musings with the question I had posed. "Sugar, I just don't think it's a good time for us to make love." Jesse tried to explain as best as he could. "Not right now, not tonight. I really need to talk about all of this with someone."
"I'm here, whenever you need me, Jesse," I said simply.
"Thank you, Ari, it means a lot to me.:
There was a silence between us, and, unexpectedly, he suddenly began speaking again. "Six months later, I found out that my best friend's cousin had died in a car crash, about the same time as Chryst."
"Oh, my God!"
Jesse, hearing the tremble in my voice, patted my knee as he went on. "The relationship between me and Lianne was based on sex more than anything else, at first, anyway. That's really the only reason that the whole business between us started. It's so hard to explain. In time, as we spoke to each other about what had happened to us, we began to love each other, and not just because we had sex, though it was comforting to know that when we'd get sexually frustrated, someone was there who could help. We fulfilled each other sexually, and we were an enormous comfort to each other, though not just sexually. Both of us agreed to the terms of the relationship, and I never once tried to destroy her reputation. We weren't exactly a couple, but I think we might have been. She found a great man senior year, and we sat down with him to try and explain what had happened between us, because we both wanted to be honest with him. He was a little shaken up at first, which was to be expected, though he eventually understood. Li and I were extremely close mouthed about our sojourn. We didn't tell anyone. The only time we spoke to each other about it was in the privacy of one another's rooms."
"Goodness, Jesse! How ... how was it?"
"It was ... well, we cared about each other very, very deeply, and it was an extremely strong love." he said honestly.
I suddenly noticed he had become very nervous and agitated. "Jesse, what's the matter?"
"Well, Ari, do you ... do you care about what I did with Lianne? I mean, it's kind of hard for me to admit to all of this, and I just don't want you to think I was taking advantage of her. We needed each other; as best friends, as confidants, as sexual partners ... It's just hard to explain. And maybe there can never be a satisfactory explanation, but I understand it, and she understands it, and ... I want you to at least be all right with it. You don't have to like it or agree with what we did. I'm not expecting that from you, and I'm certainly not asking it of you. But I really hope you won't leave me because of it."
"Not at all. It's what you both needed, Jesse, and I understand that, completely."
"Thank you, Ari. It really means a great deal to me. You didn't have to understand it, you didn't have to agree with it, and you could have left me because of it, but you did think it was all right, and you didn't leave me. For that, I don't think I can ever fully express my gratitude to you."
"Of course I agreed with you, Jesse. And I wouldn't just leave you. What you did in the passed has no bareing on what I think of you now. I did some really crazy shit in the passed, but that doesn't make me a bad person, and the same goes for you. Um ... is there anymore?"
"No, not really. Lianne and I parted ways as sexual partners after a while, but we're still very close."
We sat in silence for a while, then Jesse asked, "What are you thinking about, sugar?"
"Oh, just ... I shouldn't be ... I'm sorry."
"Ari, whatever it is, we can handle it. Don't worry."
I sighed. "All right, I'll tell you. I was just thinking about those seven months that I was with Rusty."
Jesse growled, his next words coming through clentched teeth. "That jerk! He played you two ladies like fish on a line. The way he yanked you and Sam's emotions around, he's lucky he's still in one piece."
"Yeah, that's only because I've stopped you. I don't want you to go to jail for kicking his ass, Jesse."
"Personally, I'd love to do him a serious injury, though I'll keep my record clean for the both of us, baby. I don't want to go to jail, either."
"Awe. I know, baby."
Jesse chuckled. "Yeah. Hey, what have you ever called a guy besides baby? There's plenty of endearing things you can say to a woman, but there isn't really too many around for guys."
"Hmmm, I really don't know."
"Hey, I have an idea, Ari!" Jesse suddenly said, inthusiastically.
"What?" I laughed. He sounded so excited.
He went on happally. "Why don't we say all the endearing things you could call a woman or man?"
I laughed again. "Sure, Jesse."
Jesse took my hand in his, giving it a squeeze. "All right, I'll start. Baby, sugar, sweetpea, sweetie, sweetheart, sweets, lady, lady love, sunshine, precious, love--that's all I can think of right now--was
I grinned mischievously at him. "Haven't said any guy names, I see," I teased.
"Shit, woman!" Jesse pretended to be exasperated with me, and I laughed. "I'm getting there, I'm getting there." Jesse teased me back in his turn.
"What about hunky?"
"Hunky? What the hell?"
"You know, hunky."
"Wow! What a ... an ... unusual term of endearment."
"Hmmm, I guess." I said as I lay back on the couch, pulling him down beside me. I could feel him again, hard and hot against my clit.
"Ari," he said seriously, "I love you."
"I love you too, Jesse." I held him tighter to me. "Jesse, I want you!" I cried out. "I want you so much, Jesse."
He smiled to himself. "I know, baby, I know. I want you too, but let's take this slow. I want you to look back with pleasure on this and think to yourself, `That was the night we made love!`
"Good Lord, Jesse!" I laughed. "That's exactly what I'll think. You're so worried, and there's absolutely no need to be. It'll be fine. Trust me."
"Trust you?" he propped himself up on an elbow.
"Yes, Jesse, trust me."
"But ... baby, you've never done this before." Jesse protested vehemently.
"So?" I said incredulously.
"Well, I have, and I ... I kind of know what it's going to be like for you, Ari. I'm sorry, it's just ..." he sounded so apologetic.
I smiled gently up at him. "Jesse, please don't worry about all of this. That'll just take away from the experience, baby."
She's right, he thought. What the hell am I doing? I need to shut the hell up! "Yeah. I know. I'm sorry, baby. I just ..."
"Shhh, Jesse. Don't say another word; apologetic, justifying, what ever. Do you hear me, Jesse Tyrone Kipler?"
And then suddenly he cluched me to himself, breatheing heavily in my ear. "Oh, Ari! Oh, baby! Oooooooh, sugar! I love you! Yes, just like this, baby! I love you, and this, and us! You're so hot! You're so pretty, and stunning, and ..." Jesse buried his face in my long, silky mane of hair that spread out on the couch beside my head. "Oh, honey, I love you!"
"Oh, yes, Jesse! You make me feel so, so good! Give it to me like a man, baby boy!"
He pressed against me for a moment, then propped himself up on one elbow, and from there, levered himself into a sitting position. "Baby, wait. I need to put a condom on. I want to get as close to you as possible. I want to help you have the best orgasm in your life. I want to make it great for you. But most of all, I want it to be safe. Just give me a second, all right, sugar?"
"Mmm," was all I could say as I removed my robe and panties.
Quickly, he stripped, and I heard the soft thud as his robe and boxers hit the floor. He reached down, and after rummaging in one of his pockets for a moment, I heard him opening and putting on a condom. A minute later, he draped his warm, hard body over me, and I moaned softly.
"Babe?" His voice was a low, sexy-as-velvet whisper in my ear.
"Yes?" I breathed back.
"You like this?" He had started humping me the moment our naked bodies had made contact. He was gentle, carefully controlling his weight on me, pressing lightly against me.
"Mmhmm! Oh, harder, Jesse. Give it to me hard and fast, baby.! Like you mean it! I love and appreciate your gentleness, but I want you to be rough. Can you do that for me? Mmm, baby?"
Jesse increased his speed, tantalizing me by firmly moving his hips in little circles against my hot, throbbing sex. "Like that, baby?" His voice was so low and husky.
"Oh, Jesse ... yes! Like ... that ... exactly!" I gasped out.
"Oooh, sugar! Oh, my God, baby!"
"Jesse! Unhhh! Please ..."
"What do you want me to do, beautiful?"
"Will you ..." I stammered.
"Do you want to show me instead of tell me? Maybe that would be easier for you."
"No, then I'd have to put you where I want you."
"Oooooh, that sounds like a great idea. I'd let you put me whereever you want to anyday." Jesse chuckled.
I giggled a little nervously in my turn. "I ... can you go down on me ... with your tongue?"
"Oooh, baby! Yeah, of course I will! I love that idea! I can't wait to taste you, gorgious! How would you like me to do it?
"Well, I'm not really sure, exactly. I just know that I want you to do it to me."
Jesse smiled and kissed me. "Let's go to your bed, Ari. It'll be better for the both of us. More romantic and comfortable, you know?"
I laughed softly. "Mmm, great idea."
"I'm going to pick you up now, baby. Well, only if that's okay with you, I mean. Is that all right?"
"Yeah, baby. Of course it is. I absolutely love being in your arms, scrumptious."
Upon hearing this, Jesse, laughing, leaned down and gently scooped me up. "There we go, baby. I've got you, honey. Don't be afraid. I promise, I won't let you fall."
"I trust you, Jesse. I'm not afraid of you at all."
"Do you know how much that means to me, Ari?"
"Well, you told me earlier that you wouldn't make me do anything I didn't want to, and I believe you. I just know that
I can trust you, Jesse." I snuggled comfortably against his chest and laid my head on his left shoulder. "That's all."
Jesse kissed me then, pressing his mouth firmly against mine. I gasped, and he pressed his lips harder against me. I curled lovingly around his chest.
"That was amazing, honey!" Jesse said when he lifted his lips from mine. "You turn me on so much."
I smiled. "Same here."
"Well then, let's go to your bed and see what we can do to help each other out. What do you say to that?"
"I think that's a fine idea."
Carrying me to my room, Jesse layed me down on my bed. He layed down next to me and I snuggled against him. I began to kiss his chest, and as I did, I felt the light sprinkling of dark hair tickle my lips. "Mmm, baby, that feels good." he muttered.
Moving down to his belly, I felt his abbs spasm a little under the pressure of my lips. Under my breasts, I felt his hot, silky member; I shifted position a little, and took him gently into my left hand.
"Aaah, baby! What are you doing that for?" he asked as I began to role off the condom on his penis.
"Because I want you in my mouth, and I don't want to taste condom. I want to taste you." with that said, I began sworling my tongue over the head of his penis. I was slow, barely touching him, my lips cupped over the tip of his slightly salty member.
"Mmm, honey ... you sure?"
"Hey," I said softly, reaching up to place my cool fingers gently against his lips. "I wouldn't go this far if I wasn't sure. I promise you that."
Jesse made a slight noise, as if he was going to say something, but I intervened swiftly. "Shhh. Just lay back and relax."
I felt her tung circle the tip of my dick and instantly i was in hevon. There was nothing i wanted to do more than fuck her, but she was giving me the nicest feelings. I didn't even have to be inside her, which was something that i wasn't used to with my x's. They didn't like forplay, os i had never experanced a blowjob before. She was showing me things that i never felt before, and i loved it.
"Hmmmmmmm!" i moaned, looking deeply into her eyes.
"I love the way you do that. You make me feel so, so, so nice!"
She slipped my cock further into her mouth and started to move her tung faster around it, making the first drops of precum seep from my cock into her mouth. Then she started to moan quietly. This was obviously turning her on. A couple of minutes of this had past and i was starting to feel the build up.
"Hun, stop. i'm going to cum, and i want to cum inside you.!"
I slipt my cock out of her mouth and put the comdom back on. Then i came back to her and started to finger her already soaking wet pussy. Her moans got louder and louder. Then i replaced my fingers with my cock and started to pump her slowly, but not going too deep yet. Her moans grow louder still and she starts to shake.
"God she looks so sexy like that" i thought to my self. Then, she screamed in pain and by that i new that she was not a vergin anymore. I began to fuck her faster and slowly her screams desolved back into moans again. THen i felt the build up. Her shaking got more and more intensive.
"Babe, i think i'm going to cum!" I said.
Then she did just that. I fucked her faster and faster until I blue my own load inside her, by which time, she had came about 4 or 5 times. Dam that must have been goooooooooooood!
"Oh Jesus, Jesse!!!" I lay in his arms, repeat for the moment.
"I'm sorry I hurt you, baby. I had to thrust into you wuick or it would have been worse."
"It's all right, babe, I loved it, after the initial shock was overwith."
"You want me to move?"
"No, not at all. I love your weight on me."
I'm not sure what this is, Romance, erotica, horror? But, I do know it's creepy. The first time you are about to sleep with someone and you bring up your dead girlfriend who died in your arms? And, what's with the entire baby, sweetie, sugar plum... It's enough to give someone diabetes.
What's with all the polite chatter, may I, I will pick you up now, will you go down on me; damn it, you just do those things, and if you are going to be verbal about them, then say something dirty. It's sex, not a crowning ceremony, enough with the polite protocol.
The overall writing is not bad, although the subject matter made me cringe. Super Creepy!
I'm not being mean, just a critique. I had trouble reading and following the story at one point. The cousin and the friends with benefits thing was a bit odd, why was it in there?
I can't help but think that the guy actually killed his X, and is now obsessed with her, that's why he is with this girl, she looks allot like her doesn't she?
I agree with you. Lol, diabetes? That's funny. But yeah, it takes away from the story when they're talking about "are you sure this is good" and all that. I mean, if he only said it once that would be alright, but...no. Sorry. In real life that would destroy the mood.
Although he doesn't know it, he's still hurting. He's already done something once to feel guilty for. Two things, if you count sleeping with Lianne. That's horrible in is eyes, and he's trying to show her that he loves her. He wants her to know that she's the only woman in his life, and he's scare that she might leave him after all the things he's done in his passed. Seeing as how much pain his last girlfriend was in when he had sex with her, he's afraid that it might happen again with his current girl; he has no other experiences to go by.
Oh yeah, you guys ... and I am speaking mostly to horny men out there ... get it through your heads ... this is not, and I stress the word not in this sentnce, a porno!!! It's a romance!!!
Please define romance? How does this differ from erotica?
oh my god i totally agree with alex. i'm sorry i'd slap my boyfriend if he talked like that the first time lol.
Slap your boyfriend? I think you mean run for your life and call the police!
Phasia, with sweet talk like that, he better turn out to be a killer. They both sound way too insecure. The story starts out with her being "horny," which makes me think she knows what she wants and is in the mood for some good old fashioned fornication, and then it moves on to all this sweetie, baby, nonsense. I'm not saying it's bad, I'm just saying it's very odd, and unless this guy is going to turn out to be a pretty nasty fellow in the end, I don't see the reason for it all.
The story almost seems as if it was started as decent erotica, and then guilt took over the writer and it turned to some strange first time account.
And it really did creep me out and make me squeamish, while reading. It did not make me want to cuddle up with my sweetie pie honey bun, sugar bunny, cupcake…
I wouldn’t trust that guy with a bag of candy. He’s a killer I tell you, a killer!
Yeah, she's horny, though he's got some stuff to get off his chest, and she's willing to listen. He realizes that he's lucky to have her, and he's trying to let go of these feelings of guilt that plague him. He doesn't want to feel guilty about his Ex; he has a new woman in his life now, and he understands that if he holds on to this guilt, the relationship will not survive. He also thinks that somehow, his passed is going to bother this girl, and he wants her to see things with him clearly. He's worried about what his girlfriend will think about his time with Lianne, his friend and previous lover. He feels bad about the things they did. After all, it wasn't exactly the best of dicisions, as far as relationships go. She realizes that this time in his life was crutial for him--it was his time of recovery. Remember, he didn't kill her. It was raining. Wet roads aside, he was driving as carefully as can reasonably be expeted. He was hit, not the other way around. The man that hit him was drunk. Jesse couldn't help that. oh, yeah, and something I didn't put in the story ... he called 911, and they just didn't get there in time to save her. So if you guys think that he just let her die, you're wong. I guess it wouldn't be a point of argument if I'd included that little but crutial detail. Oh yeah, and thanks for the differences in oppinion, they make me laugh. And thanks also to the person who said that my writing was good. I've been writing since I was 11, and I absolutely love English. I still have trouble having my characters express themselves exactly the way I'd like them to. Some little detail isn't in place just right. A sentence wasn't added somewhere, and it can change the whole prospective of things for people.
They're not both insicure!!! okay, maybe I can see how he can be, given the circomstances, but her? What the hell?
If he keeps doing that, she's gonna get insecure in a hell of a hurry. To post 11, I totally agree, I would slap my boyfriend if he ever talked like that. I do think it's well-written, but it could seriously do without all the "honey sugar" stuff. And I'm a girl, and even I thought it was going to be erotica from the first few sentences. I can understand how he would want to talk about his past before he does anything with her, but again, it seems a little overdramatic to me, and I agree with whoever said he sounds like a killer.
How the hell does he sound like a killer? Can someone please explain that to me? Sheesh!!!
Lol well, I don't get the killer vibe from the guy, but I do agree that there's way too much honey baby sugar darling love. I understand that it's romance, and some of that's fine, but the level of it in this story just made it difficult for me to read. Also, what time period are you trying to represent? Because honestly, scrumptious? I think that would be a fine idea? Lol. I don't know anyone who talks like that. Also, I don't think it should just be put down to horny guys thinking it's erotica, because like screaming turtle said, even I got that impression. It does seem to be predominately sexual, anyway.
I do think the writing is reasonably good, there are just a few things that could be changed to make it flow better and hopefully make it easier to read. I'll be the first to admit that this really isn't my preferred genre, but the basics still apply. In short, I agree with most of what ok sure had to say. And finally, if I remember correctly, the first girl died in his arms with her head on his left shoulder, and when he picked the current girl up (after asking ever so politely for permission), she snuggled against him and rested her head on his left shoulder. Just a random creepy observation.
Oh, wow, I forgot about the shoulder thing, at least until you braught it up hahaha. I saw it, thought about it briefly, and didn't really give it much marit after that, but now that you bring it up? Wow!!! Interesting. I'll have to see what I'm going to make of that. I don't think it's sappy, but I definitly think that he's trying to compinsate for the death of his Ex. Wait, scrap that. He's confused. You know the thing we call surviver's guilt? Well, he's suffering that. He doesn't think he loved her enough ... that if he'd have done something, she'd still be alive ... that if he hadn't been driving, it could've been different. On the other hand, he's horrified to be thinking like this, seeing as he has a current girlfriend. He's like, I should be loving her now, not thinking about Chryst, hense the (what some people clasify as "dramatic,") anxious reassurance to his girl. Oh, yeah. You want irotica? I'll give it to you next time, I sware!!! I've written some crazy shit!!!
And by the way, he's a proper gentleman. He doesn't want to upset her in any way, and he wants to be honest with her about his life--after all, it's not been a bed of roses for him. I'll write some backstory when I get the chance and post it here. I kind of started in the middle. Oops, that's blown my cover. I should've let you guys complain some more hahaha lol.
I'm leaving for Florida tomorrow, so I'm not sure when I'll be able to make good on my earlier promises, but keep checking!!! I'll have my laptop with me, so maybe I'll be able to get internet.
Oh yeah, and to whoever posted this:
What was this supposed to mean? "The story almost seems as if it was started as decent erotica, and then guilt took over the writer and it turned to some strange first time account.:
That is absolutely not true. What would I have to feel guilty for? I'm not religious or anything like that.
Oh yeah, this one's for Dancing After Dark. First of all, thanks for the compliment about "scrumptious." That was a compliment, wasn't it? And I think you may be missing the point. People wanted it to be irotica, not a romance. At least, that's the impression I got--though, of course, I could be completely wrong.
It's not that I wanted it to be erotica, it just seemed like it would be from the way you started it. I just think he sounds too nice. Now, if I understood correctly, the girl's cousin was the one who died in the car accident, right? So that explains why she looked a lot like his ex. But even though I understand why he would feel guilty and would want to make it up to her, shouldn't he have told her that before they wanted to have sex? That's just my opinion.
daring Ari. Added to it lately?
No, Screaming Turtle, you kind of have things mixed up here. The frst girl who he mentioned dying was his Ex-girlfriend, Chryst. Te other girl that he found about six months after the fact was his best friend's cousin. It's his currint girlfriend woho just happens to look like his Ex. Not wholely, mind, but they do bare a stricing resemblence.
In that case, then it is creepy. Is he trying to replace the girl who died with his new girlfriend because they look alike?
I think you should add a murder plot to this story, it would be interesting.
Creepy! Creepy! Believe it now?
I make him phrase his statemnt about that wrong. Like I said, I have a hard time getting my characters to say things exactly how they are in my mond. The idea is there, just not the wording. I'll get better.
Christ, sometimes I really can't type!!!